Though you thought your marriage would last forever, you and your spouse have come to the realization that you would both be better off if you parted ways. While the decision can be hard on both of you, if children are involved, they are going to take it the hardest. No child wants to see their parents split up or have to divide their time between mom and dad. In many cases, children feel as if they have to choose sides, or like they are to blame for the divorce.
Though it is sure to be a difficult adjustment, there are ways that you can make your divorce easier on your children. Here are some ways that you can help your children adapt to the new dynamics of your family.
Be Open and Honest
As soon as you and your spouse decide that divorce is the best option, speak to your children. Speaking to them in a space where they are very comfortable is ideal. Also, you want to make sure that you give them your undivided attention and that you let them know how they are feeling.
Your children are going to have a lot of questions. They will want to know why you are getting a divorce and how your family lawyer queens– and their lives – are going to change. Be ready to answer some of the following questions:
- Who will we live with?
- Where will mom and dad live?
- Should we get an estate planning attorney long island?
- Will we have to change schools?
- Will we still be able to see our friends?
- Will we still celebrate birthdays and holidays together?
- Will we still go on vacations together?
- Will you both attend school functions?
- Will you reconsider your decision?
They’re also going to have a lot of feelings on the matter. Encourage them to ask questions and make comments. Answer their questions as best you can and assure them that they are loved and will always be mom and dad’s top priority. However, do let them know that your decision is final and that it is not something that you are willing to debate about.
Your children are going to have a lot of feelings about your decision to get a divorce. Invite them to share their thoughts and let you know how they are feeling. You don’t want them to feel like they have to keep their emotions bottled up. Let them cry, yell, or scream. However, do not tolerate insults or let them hit, pinch, bite, or punch. Those types of behaviors are never acceptable.
Let them Know their Feelings are Legitimate
Don’t brush their feelings off or quiet them. They will feel as if their feelings don’t matter to you, and thus, they’ll feel as if they aren’t important, which will only make matters worse for everyone.
Make sure that you let them know their feelings are legitimate and that you understand how they are feeling. Encouraging children to let their feelings out and acknowledging them will make it easier for them to adjust.
Offer Solutions and Support
Children always need to feel supported by their parents; particularly children of divorce. Let them know that you both mom and dad will always be there for them. If they seem sad, offer words of encouragement or solutions to help them navigate the changes they are experiencing. If they don’t seem up to talking, taking a walk, sitting together, or a long embrace are great non-verbal ways to support your kids.
Don’t Elaborate on Details
Though you want to be open and honest with your children, you don’t have to share the details of your divorce. For instance, you don’t have to tell your kids the intricate details that lead you and your spouse to part ways and begin estate planning long island. Doing so will only make things harder for them to accept and could ultimately impact the feelings their relationship with one or both of their parents.
Don’t Force Sides
Even if your divorce isn’t amicable, you never want to force your children to choose sides. Don’t bad mouth your spouse in front of your children. Don’t ask them who they think is a better parent. Don’t ask them who they have more fun with. Also, avoid going out of your way to do things that are out-of-the-ordinary just to win their approval.
Work with Each Other
Though it may be difficult, try your best to work with your partner to accommodate your children. This is particularly important during the beginning stages of a divorce, when everything is brand new. Even though it may be inconvenient to you, make the effort to work together for the best interest of your children.
If it seems like your child is taking the divorce particularly hard, you should consider getting help. A divorce lawyer queens or a child psychologist may be able to help your child sort through and adjust to the changes. Don’t delay getting help, either. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for your child to adapt healthily and accept the changes in a positive manner.
The Bottom Line
Divorce is certainly hard on you and your spouse; however, if you have children, there’s no doubt that they are going to take it the hardest. Your kids will eventually adjust to the changes, and following these tips will make the adjustment period a quicker and healthier one.